Iroh Answers
by Jasmine Dragon
Summary: We all know how good Iroh is at giving advice. Now, he has gotten his own advice column, with some help from a grouchy Zuko. Guest characters will come on your request.
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer: I don't own avatar. **

The sun was setting, and Iroh was locking up the Jasmine Dragon, and Zuko and him were about to leave for home.

"I still don't think this is a good idea."

"Nonsense Zuko! There are so many people out there in need of good advice!"

"How do you know that?"

"Well people all over have been asking me for it. You know that small blind girl we saw with the avatar?"

"The new addition? She was blind?"

"Yes! Didn't you notice?"

"Um, I got distracted."

"Katara again?"

"NO!! I was distracted by the fact that we were UNDER ATTACK!"

"Of course you were." Iroh said, opening the door to his house.

Neither of them bothered to argue.

"Anyways, I will be doing this advice column, and that's final!"

"I still don't see why I have to help," Zuko said in a bored voice.

"Well you _do_ need a life," Iroh stated matter-of-factly.

Neither of them bothered to argue.

And so that night Iroh wrote a letter to the editor of the _Earthy Paper: It's real earth! _: the local news paper of Ba Sing Se.

_To the editor of the Earthly Paper,_

_My deepest sympathies for Ko Long, he was a truly wise man. However, I couldn't help noticing that the position of Advice Columnist is free. I would love to be of assistance to all those in Ba Sing Se who need help._

_Sincerely,_

_Mushi Kalulon_

**A/N: Overused Plotline I know… but please write in with your "problems". You can be you, or you can be a Cannon character asking for help.**


	2. First Advice Letters

**Disclaimer: I don't own avatar. **

Iroh had always known that the Earth Kingdom had a fantastic mailing system, but that did not stop him from giving an effeminate shriek the next morning when he opened his door to find his reply waiting at his doorstep.

_To Mushi Kalulon,_

_I would be delighted to have you working for my paper. Your talent for giving advice is known all throughout Ba Sing Se, it being one of the many reasons your tea shop is so popular. Enclosed are a your first batch of letters._

_Sincerely,_

_Long Feng, Editor of the Earthly Paper._

Ecstatic, Iroh ran inside to inform his nephew of this letter, and to ask his help in giving the advice.

"Zuko! Zuko!" Iroh shouted, barging into his room and shaking him awake. We've got our first letters!"

Rolling out of bed, Zuko begrudgingly said he would be on the table in two minutes, and that was where Iroh waited, setting up the supplies for the replies of the letters.

When Zuko walked in, they got started, and Iroh read out the first letter aloud:

_Dear Mushi,_

I fell in love. Great, right? Wrong.  
You see, this boy (let's call him Kozu) went on an "extended vacation," and he's been gone for three years. I liked him before he left, but I never got the chance to tell him. And I thought that I would get over him, but if anything, he being gone just made me want him even more.   
To top it all off, my friend is his sister (lets call her Laazu), and she'd kill me if she ever found out.  
What do I do?

Sincerely,  
Absense Makes the Heart Grow Stronger

"Kozu and Laazu?" Iroh said to Zuko.

They exchanged looks, then shrugged and debated over what the advice should be. Deciding that letting Zuko give them advice on love would be the same as making them hunt a platypus-bear with a stick, Iroh wrote the letter.

Dear Absence,

This "extended vacation" sounds like he does not plan to come back any time soon (Iroh was trying to ignore the daggers Zuko was glaring at him while he wrote this). Before worrying about anything else, think about this: are you ever going to see him again? If you are, consider your feelings for him: are you _sure _you love him? Love is a very strong word, and you yourself admitted that you fell for him a long time ago. If you are sure that you love him, then think about who you love more: him, or your friend. However, "Laazu" does not sound like a good friend, and I suggest that you go for him. (Zuko, disgusted of all the talk of love, went into the kitchen to get a bite to eat)

I would also suggest looking for Zuko - I mean Kozu - in the Jasmine Dragon, where he works.

Now closing this letter before Zuko – I mean Kozu – sees what I wrote,

Sincerely,

Mushi

Holding an apple in one hand, Zuko returned, asking what was in the next letter. So Iroh read:

_Dear Mushi,_

I really like this guy, but he likes someone else. I'm disabled and he thinks she's really pretty and perfect and stuff. I saved his life once and he just fussed over her! Worst of all, I got the two mixed up once and accidentally kissed her instead of him (on the cheek of course) and I really embarrassed myself!

_My friend (she is the one writing this for me, if you haven't already figured out my handicap) thinks I should just tell him, but I'm not so sure. She's his sister, so I guess she'd know, but I'm scared he'll not feel the same and it'll ruin our friendship._

Please help,

Sightless-And-Loveless

Dear Sightless,

My, you DO have a problem on your hands don't you? Well, I must say, that if you saved his life, and he just fussed over her, then he must not know you exist as more than a friend. So before you tell him, and yes, I DO think you should tell him, you should work on getting him to like you. Be extra nice to him and drop hints. Listen to his sister's advice. And good luck!

Sincerely,

Mushi

"Hey, this letter is for me! I thought nobody knew our names here!" Zuko exclaimed. "Oh, it's from the bison. Well they have special psychic powers… so I guess its okay."

_Zuko, _

_Could you fire-bend at Sokka? I AM SICK OF HIS SNORING!"_

_Appa_

Appa,

I freed you from the Dai Lee, only to have you complain about the Baffoon's snoring? I'm sorry, but I can't fire-bend in publi- uh… mean I can't fire bend. At all. Ever.

Zu- Lee

_Dear Mushi_

_There is this terrible tea shop next door called the Jasmine Dragon. I really hate it as all it's customers block off all access to my house. What should I do?_

_Disturbed by Tea_

"Disturbed by tea!?!" Iroh shouted. "What is wrong with this fellow?"

Dear Disturbed,

Buy some overpriced tea there and see what all the fuss is about!

Sincerely

Mushi

_Dear Mushi,_

I think it's great that you're doing an advice thing to help others.  
You see my problem is that I'm in love and the guy I'm in love with is totaly in love with me too! In fact... We're getting married (hopefully, since every time we try to something happens) and, well there's a slight problem with that.

See his adpt. father is a very powerful man and rules over a certain place. But I've been raised to fear and hate that very place which my lover's father rules over. And once I marry my love, I will become Princess of... Well that one place which I'd rather not say. But even though I love my perfect partner beyond everything else, I don't think I can be part of that one thing which his father controls. It seems wrong. But I'm so in love with my perfect match! I don't want to hurt him at all.  
But I do want to marry him, but... I don't know. It's so hard.

On top of this, my fiance is trying his very best to try and stop me from breaking our engagment with everything he can think of! He begs, reassures, bribes, and so many other things. He doesn't want to lose me like he lost someone else so long ago. But... It gets harder everyday...

Mushi, what should I do? Marry him and become part of that which I fear? Or should I lose my love forever and still be the person I am, silently thankful I did not turn into someone like my love's father?

Aurina: Angel of Light

Dear Aurina,

There is one option that you have not considered: elopement. I can see that you are torn in your dilemma, and that you are completely willing to make a sacrifice for your true love. If he really loves you, he will accept the choice of leaving his father, who, by the way, doesn't sound like someone who will be loved by your love, and flee from the country whose morals you so despise, and you can get married in YOUR homeland.

Oh, and my nephew suggests that you just tell your love to give his father a scar on his face and see how HE likes it.

Hope that helped

Mushi

_Dear Mushi,_

I need advice for three things.

One: There's this girl I really like as, well, more than a friend, but I don't think she thinks of me as anything more than a friend. How can I tell her how I really feel? And what should I do if she doesn't like me that way?

Two: I was frozen in an iceberg for a hundred years and now I have to save the world, but I was raised to be a pacifist so I'm not sure how I can defeat an entire country. What should I do?

Three: My mentor and I used to play Pai Sho all the time. I haven't had a decent game of Pai Sho since the last time I saw him, before I got frozen in the iceberg. Where can I find some good Pai Sho players?

Aang

Dear Aang,

Well, before you do anything else, you should master the four elements and kill the fire lord. However, seeing as you will most probably die trying to do that, I suggest you bring this girl to the Jasmine Dragon, a great tea shop in the upper ring of Ba Sing Se, and tell her how you feel in the romantic atmosphere. You will also find a Pai Sho player in the Jasmine Dragon.

Yours truly,

Mushi

P.S. You will find that a certain banished prince is not going to stalk you any more. Just a heads up.

_Dear Mushi,_

_My problem is that I like this really good looking guy, who just happens to be my enemy. He has chased me all over the world, trying to capture one of my best friends. He insists on calling me peasant too. But I can just see that if our races weren't so different, we really could have been a couple. We're opposites, fire and water, aren't we supposed to attract?_

_I have seen him around Ba Sing Se a little, but he's not trying to capture us any more. What should I do? Talk to him and risk capture or do nothing and keep wondering what might have happened if I had a little more courage?_

_Katara_

Dear Katara

I think you have answered your own question. You really should talk to him. I heard that a suspected fire bender works at the Jasmine Dragon, a tea shop in the upper ring of the city. I think you can find him there.

Sincerely,

Your future in la – I mean Mushi

"Uncle, May I ask why you're inviting her to meet me in our tea shop?" Zuko asked with an accusing tone in his voice.

"Would you like me to tell her to stay away from the likes of you and never look in your direction again no matter how nice you are to her or how much she likes you or vice versa?" Iroh asked, saying the whole thing very fast.

Zuko opened his mouth to reply, and then closed it, choosing not to argue, and retreated to the kitchen in what he considered a dignified silence.

**A/N: Next chapter: The consequences of Iroh's advice. Please send your letters in letter form, as that speeds up the writing process. I'll do the embarrassing story about Zuko later. **

**Out for now**

** Jasmine**


	3. Results of Iroh's Advice

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing.**

* * *

It was a big day for Iroh. It was a big day for the cast of the avatar in general.

Iroh was ecstatic on repeatedly reading his name in print, and Zuko constantly reminded him that it was not his really his name.

Zuko was ecstatic as he was going to meet Katara, and they were going to have a chance at an actual relationship now that he wasn't chasing the avatar anymore, and Iroh kept reminding him that it was all his idea, and that he really should stop making him feel down about his name not being in print.

Zuko obliged.

Aang was ecstatic, but nervous as today he was going to confess his love for Katara, who seemed a little too enthusiastic upon agreeing to go to the Jasmine Dragon.

Toph insisted that she and Sokka come along, as she wanted to: Firstly snigger at Aang, and secondly pick up tips for her Sokka problem.

Mai managed to extricate herself from Azula and Ty lee, and headed to the Jasmine Dragon herself.

And thus nearly the entire cast found themselves at this little tea shop. Iroh momentarily had little dollar signs as pupils.

Aang chose a conveniently small table for himself and Katara, forcing Toph and Sokka to sit on their own.

"Will you excuse me for a moment Aang?" Katara asked almost as soon as she had sat down.

"Oh, sure, Katara, but please hurry back, I've got something I've been meaning to tell you." 

"Okay Aang." She smiled at him and left for the counter.

Iroh smiled as he saw her approaching, and left to the back room to call Zuko.

"A customer is requesting for you to take her order." … even though she wasn't, but Zuko didn't need to know that.

As he walked up front, he saw Katara, looking extremely self conscious, fiddling with her hair, her dress… then she saw him, and her eyes widened. 

"You called?" He asked as suavely as he could, knocking over an empty cup as he leaned across the counter.

"Actually, I just wanted to order some tea." She stated nervously. 

He inwardly cursed uncle, and muttered to her that "Someone will come to your table," and turned to leave.

"But now that you're here!" Katara said, "I was wondering…"

"Yeah?" He asked, new hope in his voice. 

"Why aren't you chasing Aang anymore?" She asked, changing her question at the last moment. "I mean, earlier, if you had him this close you would be foaming at the mouth!"

"Ha ha." He said sourly. "In case you haven't noticed, I've given up. Happy? Is that all?" he asked, frustrated now.

"No." she said. "I was hoping… if you weren't doing anything… maybe we could get together later?"

He took his time replying. 

"Hmm… well… I don't know… I think I _might_ be able to extricate myself from uncle. How does tomorrow sound?" He smiled remembering how he was practically pushed out the door the last time a girl asked him out.

She smiled back. This was a new chance. They both felt something the day he had tied her to the tree, she could tell he knew she felt something when he said to her, "_I'll save you from the pirates_"… They leaned in together, their hearts thudding hard against their chests… 

She could have sworn they were about to kiss, but suddenly, Zuko pushed her away from him, and he flung himself back, just in time for the both of them to avoid some throwing knives aimed with deadly precision at the two of them.

"You BTCH!!" Came a shout, and they looked just in time to see Mai storming out of the door. Zuko thought he heard a sob, and was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt - not only for her, but also for his uncle, as customers were quickly exiting the door – this place was supposed to be for upper-class businessmen, not hormonal teenagers.

* * *

After three years! Three long years of waiting, of promising that they would reserve themselves for each other till he got back… 

All those evenings spent feeding the turtle ducks, sharing their feelings, smiling, joking, laughing… she had never laughed as much around anyone else.

Well, if he had broken their vow, then she had a few tricks up her sleeve…

Mai walked confidently back up to the palace, an evil grin on her face.

* * *

Meanwhile, Toph was doing her best to flirt with Sokka… the problem was, she wasn't very experienced.

"So Sokka, tell me about yourself." She asked, sipping her jasmine tea.

"Um… Toph, we've been traveling together for ages, why do you want to know about me now?"

She giggled. Sokka shifted a little further back his chair.

"Well, I just wanted to know more about you… I mean Aang got so much more time to know you two…"

"Well, you know pretty much all there is to know… I like bashing stuff up… hate fire benders… oh, and I'm the funniest guy alive… that about covers it don't you think?" He asked.

She giggled again. "Oh Sokka, you're so funny!" she paused. "Cutie." She batted her eyelashes, feeling ridiculous yet hopeful.

Sokka jumped out of his chair, ran to the counter, ran to the counter and screeched:

"Toph's been drugged!!!"

"I have NOT been drugged!!" She screamed, and she, too, stormed out of the shop.

Katara glanced back at Zuko, who whispered "Tomorrow" to her, and she walked back to the table she was sharing with Aang.

Unfortunately, Aang refused to talk to her the whole day, and internally vowed never to return to this place again, for fear of the bad memories returning to haunt him… he would ask for more advice later in the day.

Iroh, observing from the back, sighed. His advice column was _not _complimenting his tea shop.

**A/N: I'm sorry if the characters seem OOC. Oh, and now, they are in much more need of advice... letters would be appreciated**!!

**Jasmine **


End file.
